This morning I’m going through my text message inbox and am reflecting on all the online men I’ve conversed with over the year that haven’t resulted into a relationship of any kind! I’ve have repeatedly got stuck in a loop with men of only being the text girl with whom they can flirt with, flatter, and send/receive sexy pics to/from. All have at points stated that they wanted to meet me, go out, be with me, and etc yet when the time came to actually meet~ they are completely AWOL/MIA! I can’t help but notice that the common denominator in all these cases was me. This year I was/am determined to grow relationship wise to better know what I want in a companion, date for practice, and most importantly find someone with whom I can build a lasting loving relationship with that could lead toward marriage. I may have found someone now in the most unlikely of ways and totally removed from the internet~ I guess how life is really intended to be, offline, lol. I’m not proud of how I allowed so much and only received so little from the man I’ve lingered on with for over 2 years. It disturbs, hurts, and angers me that I manipulated myself to become only a sex buddy~ accepting treatment far below what I deserve and what I required but not effectively enforced. In my mind and heart, I wanted to believe that he did/would love me and give me all the love I was showing back. I tried to make it a real relationship and every attempt resulted in me crying over my failed mission. All the signs, actions, and words were there; however, I kept my blinders up and ears plugged to the messages he relayed. The saddest part is that me holding on was due to fear and hopelessness not love. I was scared of moving on~ I don’t know how to breakup with someone and not care or want to be reconciled. All I did was hope…hoped that he would see me as the great woman I am~ smart, funny, spiritual, and sexy~ and claim me as the one. The craziest thing is that the reason I loved him still boggles my mind. He’s not super handsome and the sex was ho-hum, lol.
Waiting to Exhale Love(lol) Scene - Funny bloopers R us
Like our girl Robin in "Waiting to Exhale," I realize now that the reason I’ve clung on all this time was because he happened to be the first man to show interest in me in a while, told me I was beautiful and sexy, and acted on the attraction he felt. No one else was acting upon their attraction they had for me, just watched me from afar either online or in real life from a distance. This fact is the only reason as to why I have been torturing my heart in having hope that Aaron* would “get his act together” and be the man I need/want him to be. As each time I tried to mold the situation, it would spring out to its original shape. He says it not me, he’s not happy with where he is in life, but it does still relate to me. I should have stopped then, but of course I let him in around Easter and the pattern of quarterly/holiday sex continued. Praise be to the Most High God, for that soul tie has been broken and am now free of that bondage! Hallelujah!
In the interim, I had joined every dating site: Black Planet, Black People Meet, Eharmony, and the list goes on. All in efforts of finding someone else, to help get over Aaron.*
I get a couple of winks, flirts, and messages that gives a nice ego boost filled with ideas of potential mates who are out of Never Never Land! Men who’s profile present themselves to be mature, professional, and ready for a serious relationship with a like-minded single sexy sista like me. Man, I swear these sites should be reported to the better business bureau because of all the false advertising! There was, Larry,* the youth minister and non-profit fundraiser that on paper had all the qualities an educated Christian black woman would want. He had a college degree from a top school, great with kids, loves the Lord, and of course has the ever needed “good” job. What‘s not to like? Well, what I didn’t equate is the heavily weighted factors of chemistry and attraction. We could’ve been an “ideal” match,
but I simply couldn’t get my eyes off his C-cup man-boobs or over his lisp in a pitch that just rings the “is he gay/bi-sexual” alarm! He’s a nice guy and all, but after seeing his interaction with him and his pastor, I had this sad visual of how R. Kelly‘s “In the Closet “ series would include me, SMDH! As Whitney would say, “Oh Hell to the Naw!” NEXT!
Next up was Curly,* a salesman from Virginia, who was dumped by his girlfriend of 10 years just 7 months prior to our date, and was still one sad pup. Curly and I had a good first date seeing a stage production of “Taming of the Shrew” courtesy of DC’s Shakespeare Free for All. At dinner is where the violins started to play and I’m not taking about a symphonic jazz band, LOL! Our conversation consisted of how they lived together, he’s still close to her family, they share custody of their dogs, and how he fills the void with tickets to all DC sport teams (Caps, Nats, Redskins, & Wizards). I’m cool with the sports, shoot I was hoping for another date just to see a game, but the clincher was when he said how he’s still figuring out what his interests and wants are in a new relationship. Even with the ex-girl drama I was still interested in another date, but the feeling wasn’t mutual. So, the date ended with a pat-pat hug and a “see ya on facebook” parting.
Aww the last of the three stooges, Moe, confirmed why I needed to stop online dating and start living life OFFLINE! I had met Moe when I first ventured into online dating using Match.com three years ago. At that time we flirted and chatted, but we both choose to go with other matches and never met face to face. We kept in contact sporadically on yahoo IM and later became Facebook friends. As time would have it ,he seriously dated his match for two years while I was kickin’ it with mine, Aaron*. They had the lovey couple pics up, cutesy status updates, and all the other ish that makes you gag when its not you! To my surprise, him and wifey break up in 09’ and I’m now the crazy sexy, cool, chick that got away and had basically been bench warming waiting on coach to call me in to play (mind you, I didn’t realize I was doing that until I read “Miseducation of the Black Woman” and Single Black Male’s blog among others). In being game ,I was flattered and excepted the invitation. Date day comes and I get stood up— an unforgivable act—then later fed a weak ,but possibly a real excuse. Moe’s a P.E. teacher and one of his kids was injured and he went with them to the hospital until the parent came from afterwork. A pass was given since he called one hour before and left a remorseful voicemail. The most disappointing fact to this story is that he didn’t follow-up on the pitch and left me there hanging ready to bat! Apparently, he had other reserved players on the team too~ damn, another dude to delete!
In this homage to the few unsuitable suitors I’ve met in the course of 2009, I’m really giving honor to my very own Romeo and Caribbean Casanova, who recently came into my life like a rising tide and took me away from a dirty man-made sandy point bay to a beautiful Island of love surrounded by crystal-clear water. I can’t even begin to effectively describe how well he loves me even though he‘s currently long distance! I have a new outlook on love for 2010 & beyond. In this new year, I have a new plan, purpose, and mantra: In 2010, I win!
I write this to encourage you all to keep up the good fight to find the right love for you. Like in “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory,” you may get sick eating all those chocolate bars in search of the golden ticket, but once you find it~ it’s priceless!
*name changed
Friday, January 1, 2010
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